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We had the misfortune to travel on Ryan Air this weekend, on what was otherwise a perfect trip to Dublin.

I imagine they could sell their on board experience to the people in charge of Guantanamo Bay. One hour with those guys and you'd confess to anything. It was an assault on every sense. From the moment we got on the plane until the moment we got off we were shamelessly sold to, we were sitting ducks. First came the smokeless cigarettes, which they encouraged we could smoke on board. 6 each, bargain. Then came the scratch cards, hot sandwiches, duty free, on board phone service, drinks, magazines and adverts. By this point we were expecting the captain's update to be sponsored by Dominoes and in the likely event of an emergency, life jackets being available at the very reasonable price of 6.

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I think they cabin crew must have a right laugh. First they dim the lights for take off and purposely lull you into a false sense of tranquility and calm then, on the count of three, set off a sales bomb, and BOOM! lights on, speakers full blast, ads everywhere, bright yellow seats, sell, sell, sell!!! they even poked me (whilst pretending to be asleep) to offer me competitive rates on train tickets.

In short it was a claustrophobic and horrible experience. Almost all excess, (I say excess but what I mean is anything that was there to make things more pleasant) has been stripped from the plane and replaced with advertising and sales messages. So much so that if they came to us as a client I would refuse to work for them on the basis of human rights. I'd sleep a lot better if I was making Marlborough the cigarette of choice.

Thanks for flying Ryan Air x

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